Alone Time: Solo Travel + Personal Development Days
To go back to our theme of “love” for the month, I want to introduce you to the ultimate gift of love for yourself (and probably everyone else around you): ALONE TIME!
The biggest revelation I ever had was the importance of my alone time. I’m a people pleaser by nature. Meaning that no matter where I am, what I’m doing, I’m constantly worried about others - are they happy, having fun, am I acting right, fun enough, being a good host / friend / etc… While I am working on boundaries and the art of saying “NO”, the best way for me to recharge is by myself.
A couple things to keep in mind before I get into this:
I love my family and friends
I love helping and supporting people
I love having meaningful conversations
I love sharing what I have learned, what I’m going through
Just keep these in mind as I start to also talk about how much I love love love being by myself.
You know how people talk about their auras, or energy fields?
Our cells and tissues generate energy fields, detectable on the surface of our skin. The laws of physics say that in the surrounding space of this electrical current there must be a corresponding magnetic field. It wasn’t until more recently that scientific studies were completed on this magnetic field, as enhancements in technology made it possible to finally measure. Enter biomagnetics and the biomagnetic field. As I’m not a scientist or doctor, that’s my brief introduction to some concepts you can research further. There are some additional traditional therapies that have studied these fields for far longer, ie. Reiki, but with science finally catching up, you may be able to find more “scientifically backed” information.
Moving on… It is believed that your particles of electromagnetic energy (your biomagnetic field) extends 2 to 5 feet beyond your physical body. This is why some people (most people) are susceptible to others emotions, it is also responsible for the “vibes” you give out. For example, when that powerful person walks into the room exuding confidence and it peps your mood up! Or when there is a pandemic and everyone is angry and full of fear and you feel anxious after being out at the store.
What does that have to do with alone time?
These energy fields of ours interact. So not only are we consciously aware of others moods, and our people pleasing ways, but we are also potentially subjected to these moods on an unconscious mental, emotional or spiritual level (your aura / energy fields are multi-layered). And if you have little boundaries consciously or unconsciously (emotionally, mentally, spiritually) you are even more susceptible to these subtle shifts.
This is the basis for why I realized that my alone time was so important. Ever realize when you are exhausted or in a bad mood that you have a hard time pulling yourself out of that funk to be a good friend / host / partner / etc, and others normally notice? That can be because your energy resources are drained, and therefore you are even more open and available for the people around you to take what little you may have left, it may be unconscious on their end, it may even be residual. So you are on this vacation, you worked like crazy for a trip, you didn’t sleep during travel, no one likes the activities you want, someone says “let’s go to the club”, you don’t have the boundaries to say no, you’re up late partying, sleeping very little, a few days later you come home, back to work, and wonder… did I even have a vacation?
Enter the beautiful mystical wonderful world of: Solo Travel 🎉
Picture this: a quiet car ride with your favourite playlist on the radio, stopping for breaks whenever you see fit, eating your favourite meal, the bed and bathroom ALL TO YOURSELF, and activities? Hey me, did you want to read all day? Walk around? Lay by the pool? Sleep in or get up early? Sure me, sounds great! You have no one to answer to but yourself; no one to plan with, but yourself; no one to keep happy, but yourself! The sole focus of your trip is you: your needs, your rejuvenation, your likes.
How do I plan for my solo trip?
Prioritize what I want to get out of the trip.
Figure out how long I need.
Plan where this fits into my schedule.
Research.
Get excited!!
Prioritize: Before I plan time away or even just time alone, I like to have an idea what I’m looking for. Is this just a guilt free morning to myself at home watching movies? Do I need to a bouji bedroom where all my needs are looked after? Am I ok to cook and clean after myself? Do I want to be near other people? Do I need time alone in nature? Do I need to sleep catch up on sleep? Once I have this nailed down as my “goal” I have an easier time planning a trip to accommodate my needs. Hotel or cabin in the woods - check. Forest, lake, ocean or room service and spa - check. Main street with shops and restaurants or cozy bed and fireplace - check.
Timeline: Can I get what I need out of this time overnight? Over a weekend? Do I need a full week to decompress? Again, once I know how long I need this helps me: a) figure out what is right for a distance to travel, b) my budget, c) how prepared I need to be before planning.
Scheduling: After I figure out the time I need, and my main goal I can figure out where this fits into my schedule. If I want to be able to hike in the woods or lay by a beach / pool, I might want a summer trip. If I want to be nestled in a cabin, maybe fall. I like to have this nailed down because the scheduling can really play a big part in the atmosphere or mood, as well as the success. If I want to be outside, but I hate the cold and wet, and I plan a trip in February… well, I basically set myself up to fail.
Research: I want this time alone to be successful and help me accomplish my goal of rejuvenation and re-energizing. So I will do as much research as I can about where I want to stay, eat, shop, tour, etc. Does this place have cute stores and coffee shops nearby, will they be open? Are there walking trails with scenic lookouts? Can I get the kind of massage or spa treatment I like? This is all about setting myself up for success! If I just blindly travel somewhere: a) my anxiety will be through the roof! b) there is a high chance the place will have nothing that I was looking for.
Get Excited: Do not, I repeat - DO NOT! feel guilty or ashamed for need alone time. I want you to circle this in your calendar, add reminders on your phone, talk about it with loved ones, shout it from the roof top! You deserve this time, wherever you are, whoever you are, we are all deserving!
These steps lead me to successful solo travel. Maybe you have different needs, or like to prepare differently, or maybe your favourite way to travel is to wing it. Regardless, extended alone time allows me to focus on myself, and recharge my own batteries. It lets me cleanse my energy field. I’m no longer full of others thoughts and feelings, not taking on anyone else’s energy. It really allows me to connect with myself.
Is solo travel too much for you?
Introducing… “the personal development day”
This is where it all started for me. Before the solo travel, before being comfortable with extended periods of time devoted to me. It was the personal development day, mostly morning, but minor detail.
For a long time now I have found that I am my best self when I take at least the morning off on a Monday. No schedule, no “to do”, no “I should”… Just chilling!
Spiritual text and any self help guru will tell you to avoid distraction, read, walk, heck I told you that. But sometimes you just need a good old lounge day, aka “personal development day”. Laying on the couch, watching a movie (whatever you like: I usually go for funny - think Grace & Frankie, or rom com - Hello Hallmark love movies). It's not real life, but I love that. And it’s a no tech / social media zone for me. 📱🙅🏻♀️
This act of self love and self care gets me out of my own head, the negativity, the self doubt and the fear the world seems to constantly be pushing on us. Because I make myself put my phone away for this time I am also not absorbing others emotions or energy. It lets me shut off for a bit and not focus so much on “how to make myself better, happier, more successful, [insert your constant struggles]”. I just sit with myself and let me be.
The secret to personal development day success? I don’t feel guilty for it!
I have learned that by taking this small time “off” I can come back as a better version of myself, more productive, more focused, HAPPIER (you forgot your happiness was important, didn’t you?), and accomplish all the “shoulds” in much more efficient timing than had I been struggling and overwhelmed.
I know not everyone’s schedule allows for a day to yourself or a full trip, but can you find a way to fit some personal time in? An afternoon once a month? A weekend away? Take yourself on a lunch date? A 30 minute show when you get home, no one bothers you, no phone, no distractions? Find a way to make it work for you and see if you notice any benefits!
Until the next time ✌🏻
**From personal experience I would also like to tell you that if these breaks / vacations / timeouts are not allowing you to feel refreshed and recharged, you may be burnt out - connect with yourself and take a deeper look. I will talk more about my journey with this in future entries. 😘