Take Control of Your Life
Change your life before your life changes you.
Let’s just say I didn’t follow my own advice here. I fought myself at every turn. I always did the “right” thing. I’m not saying I was led completely astray, but I certainly wasn’t following my path and embracing my purpose. But I didn’t get to “choose” when I was ready for a change. Life chose for me. And looking back from a better place now, I can see that as a constant theme throughout my life.
Can I ask you a question?
Why do we feel the need to constantly fight ourselves?
We have this unrealistic belief that if things aren’t hard, then we aren’t doing them right. When I started my yoga teacher training I red a book that introduced me to the concept of DHARMA: your life’s purpose. At the base of this knowledge is the understanding that you have a purpose here on Earth, and should you embrace it and follow your path, surrendering to source / universe / god / infinite wisdom / collective consciousness / whatever you choose to call it, you will constantly be divinely guided.
Now that’s not to say that your life will always be easy, I mean some peoples are, but you learn to bring in a certain amount of flow, to release the constant need to control, and surrender to what is beyond you. As I found out… if you don’t, and constantly fight yourself, you may just eventually get a BIG HIT that leaves you laying on the floor, unable to stand long enough to brush your teeth. Confusingly, that is meant to redirect you back to your path.
What did my signs look like you might ask?
The Car Accidents:
Well, I realize now that every car accident I was in put a major stop to something I was doing, that I didn’t want to be doing, or wasn’t meant to be doing. On my way to a family event in a toxic environment, a temporary home that was also a toxic environment, a job that was making me sick, and lastly, back home where I had a toxic tenant and another job that was making me sick, rushing around over booked. This happened over the course of… maybe 15 years (ouch, now I feel old too), at the time I never saw a pattern, it was just some shitty accidents. Obviously I didn’t get the hint from those at the time.
The Mysterious Sickness, Constant Unhappiness, General Down in the Dumps:
In my first career, I was extremely “successful”. Raises, promotions, running jobs, dealing with clients, going to meetings, traveling for conferences and store visits; all the things we associate with being good at your job. I worked 10-14 hour days, 6 days a week. I started to get sick, depressed, I had ulcers… ulcers?! Gross! So after 6 years I made a change. Starting my next “dream job” I was so excited, I was back in my home town, working in a fun environment on luxury projects, checking all the boxes for success. Again, I started to get sick - unhappy, immense physical pain, the real start of my body shutting down on me. Next came the highlight of my career, I had a job doing exactly what I wanted when I was a kid in public school pretending to be an adult. I thought it was everything I ever wanted. I had my house, car, successful career. I was “living the dream”. Until again, I started to get sick. I ignored it, constantly getting treatments for my physical symptoms, seeing a counsellor for my emotional symptoms, taking my yoga practice deeper for everything else that was happening… And guess what, THINGS GOT WORSE!
That is not to say that I cannot also see the alignment of things when I started towards my true path.
The Yoga Training:
I knew yoga was important for me. A mentor recommended I take a teacher training, once I thought about what a good idea it would be, I literally fell into a teacher training. I mentioned to a friend, how I had started to research options, but had my reserves: difficulties with scheduling, finances, questions I had. Unknowingly, she nominated me for a scholarship, which I got, to a training… in my area… on the weekends… over the winter. Not conflicting with my work schedule, not requiring me to travel 2+ hours, not requiring a large sum of money. WOW!
Relationships:
I started working on myself with a counsellor, once I had healed some of my own wounds and my relationship with myself, I found my person. Again, unknowingly, he checked every box I didn’t know I had. Through him, I made friends and new relationships that have helped me learn and grow on my new path.
I’m skimming over a lot of this… I just want to point out the divine alignment of things when I actually followed my dharma (path / purpose) vs. just “doing what was right”.
Now for me, things don’t magically “get better” just because I started moving towards my path - aside from what books, movies and podcasts tell you. The more I learned about myself, the worse I got. Small things here and there that were still stopping me from moving forward or being truly fulfilled.
Que the pinnacle of my sickness when my body fully shut down from what is still 2 years later my mystery illness. Am I doing better overall, absolutely! Are there rough days, definitely! Can I now recognize some of these hints and redirections I’m meant to receive to get me back on track? Honestly, still learning 😅
What have I learned?
Pay attention to those small roadblocks. Those seemingly small gut feelings. They can add up. I will explain in another post about your bodies response to stress and trauma, but for now, I just want to bring some awareness and let you know you deserve to be happy, healthy, and fulfilled.
So what do I mean “Change your life, before your life changes you”?
Take stock of where you are at. How do you feel? Are you constantly sick? Are you always waiting for the other shoe to drop? Are you controlling and micromanaging every situation? Can you release any of this? Can you start to just breathe and see what happens.
If your life is easy, or hard, or this resonates with you, start to get in tune with yourself. Check out our 10 minute breath work, and let's take it one step at a time. Because we are both on this learning path together!