Shoulds and the Ego

What happens when you aren’t sure? When all you have in your head is an overwhelming amount of should. Even the things that deep down, your Inner Being knows are right are things you “should” do.

Now you must decipher your shoulds?

If you are at this point - some days I’m at this point - to me it means you are not truly listening. If it’s a deep desire from your Inner Being it is no longer a should, it is simply a “it feels right to” and you do it or not. There does not need to be the weight of “should” on the callings from your Inner Being. That is a conditioned mindset and response we have to all the programming that we need to always be doing. There is no: I should take a break; there is only, my body says its time to sit down and take a break. If you sit and take that break, know that is ok! That is perfect for you to be doing in the moment. If you have guilt and should around it, take a moment to check in on a few things: 1. is this really a call from your Inner Being, or just part of your routine, 2. Will you cause harm by doing this task / self-care. If you are still committed to the task as its a call from your heart, set yourself a time limit. Say “ok, I am going to sit down for the next 20 minutes / watch this show / drink this tea / etc”. Commit that time to yourself as you would for any other chore, job or task. Taking care of yourself is just as important of an activity as anything else you can find to do during the day. We have talked about this one before too – how efficient could you be if you actually took the rest, as opposed to spending all morning, afternoon or day, thinking about taking the rest? I know we are all conditioned to think that we can’t take rest, or put ourselves first – we are selfish, lazy, unmotivated. Is that really the case? Who is telling us that? Is there a real person saying that, is it our ego? If someone is saying that, do we even want to be like them and therefore follow their example? Take a second to think back to the last time that you really should yourself out of rest… was anyone actually there telling you that you couldn’t take a break? Was anyone there actually judging you when you did take a break? Now really ask yourself… was it all in your head? Remember our pesky friend ego always wants to be needed, it thrives on being busy, it thrives even more on drama. Do you think there is a chance that part of you was wired with a tiny voice in your head that always keeps you moving for “your own good” but maybe doesn’t always know what that means. Ego is only looking out for ego. If you are calm, taking rest and repairing, your state is relaxed and connected. That pushes ego aside. It doesn’t like that space. So like it or not, there is always a little part of your human being that is keeping you disconnected, keeping you in the race. Ego only knows what it sees and what it has been trained to know, it cannot see the bigger picture. It is not bad, but it is not always out for your overall beings best. When you connect with your Inner Being you are moving beyond ego; you are setting ego aside. That is why when you first start doing things for yourself or following your instincts it seems really scary. You have a built-in warning system that most of us believe is the “voice in our head” that is most likely that ego trying to keep us on track of what it knows to be safe. Which, depending on your conditioning (where and how you grew up, what your parents modeled, etc) might not actually be safe or best for you. That ego starts to panic the second you don’t listen to it because it feels like it might not be useful. This is why it is so important to learn to distinguish between your instinct and ego. Both can be a voice in your head, but they will feel different. They will guide you in different directions. One will keep you small, the other will guide you towards your bigger picture. Again, this is not to say the ego is the bad guy in your life story, it is only performing its duty. But we can move beyond the fear of doing what the ego always says we should be doing and learn to be comfortable following your Inner Beings guidance. The best way I have learned to do this, as I said before, is in digestible bits. Following my inner guidance, while letting the ego know its ok, I will get back to it at this time. It is of course still a constant practice. I might get bored of my choice, I might feel the guilt creep back in. But I always feel better for those little extra moments that I let my Inner Being, my higher self, greater wisdom, the Universe, God, Source, WhateverYouWantToCallIt guide me.

I invite you, whenever you find this, to take 5 minutes today to just listen to what your Inner Being is asking you to do, really give it a try. Let it be scary, let the ego have a moment of panic because it is being contradicted and then commit those 5 minutes to yourself. Maybe it’s just a step outside to breathe, an extra moment to make your tea before heading back to your desk, putting that phone down at lunch, sitting down in the morning to enjoy your coffee, whatever brings you a small moment of joy.

Let that be enough. Let that be your step in re-connecting with your instincts, with your Inner Being.