Shedding the fear to be YOU
Welcome back to our seasonal topic of shedding. Next on the docket… are you afraid to be you?
What?! Here she goes again with these questions that don’t make sense…
I mean the true you, the authentic you, the big YOU. Not the you that you are being to placate everyone else and fit in, the you that your Inner Being is guiding you and call you to be. The you that takes walks at lunch, that gets up to journal in the morning, that has cereal for dinner when you need some “me time”.
I have gone through a lot in the past few years – ya ya, I’m still young what do I know? A LOT! Why? Because I have chosen to be this authentic version of self that doesn’t leave much room for who I used to be. It may seem drastic to some; it seems drastic sometimes to me. But it also feels right. Every change I make, every decision I follow is in support of my highest and greatest good – Ok, maybe the extra coffee and Hallmark movies are a grey area, but sometimes that is what I am called to do. Embracing the authentic me, and shedding the fear around being the truest version of self is slowly allowing me to be comfortable in my decisions, and most importantly shed the effin guilt! You know how sometimes you take one of those Netflix and chill days, laying around on the couch drinking that (whatever makes you happy), but you sit there berating yourself the whole time? I should (pesky should) do the laundry, wash the dishes, cook dinner, play with my kids, help my husband, go for a walk. How do you come out of those days feeling? Completely stressed, and unfulfilled I bet. That was me for much of my late 20s / early 30s. I knew I needed downtime, I knew I needed to be alone with my couch, but I never felt satisfied afterwards. I would spend that whole time telling myself all the things I could better spend my time doing. What is the biggest difference I have made? Allowance. Removing that fear that what I am doing at the given moment is not good enough: I’m not a good enough wife, friend, housekeeper, employee, etc. Maybe I no longer need to sit on the couch for the entire day because I now immerse myself in the experience and live it fully, so when the activity is complete, I can move on, and I feel fulfilled.
As I slowly learn this as it relates to my down time, I allow this to filter into other things I am doing. I have been hearing a lot that procrastination keeps you from being your biggest Self. Wow am I ever realizing how true that is. See you can release fear, guilt, and judgement around certain aspects of your life and still hold them in others. Fear to play big, fear to share your most authentic self, fear to create something there is no template for. Maybe you work in an office and always find yourself wiping down the staff kitchen and tidying things; would you be happier cleaning houses? Or as a professional organizer? I know… you can’t do that. Is your favourite part of your day walking the dog – should you be a dog walker? Do you love running errands and getting groceries – ummm, hey! I would love someone to do that for me. I know what you are thinking, those aren’t “real jobs”, those aren’t “careers”. SAYS WHO? That is your ego and your fear talking. You can make absolutely anything into a business, job or career. It is your heart, dedication and passion that makes it possible. Think… there was probably a time when financial planner, store manager, CEO or even doctor wasn’t a job. But someone saw a need for it, created the position and jumped in.
Ok, we got a little off topic. Maybe, not really. Why am I telling you this? My goal for you is to live your best and happiest life. I know what you are thinking, life isn’t sunshine and rainbows – trust me, I thought that too when the Universe was against me. But guess what, life can be sunshine and rainbows. I’m not saying there aren’t setbacks when you are living your most authentic version of self, of course there is. We are still human beings, we are still imperfectly perfect, we still have lessons to learn; otherwise, we might as well quit the game and start again. You will always have “setbacks”; however, it is your perception of these moments in time that makes the difference. Is your response: “thank you Universe / Source / God / Higher Self / WhateverYouWantToCallIt for showing me I am off my path”, “f**k this”, “everything hates me”, “hmm I can see a lesson here”. This determines how dramatic you let your life be if you choose to live through fear or love.
So, shedding our fear of being the most authentic version of self; if we did so what magic would be possible? Would everyone really hate us, be disappointed at us, laugh at us? Let’s break that down:
✧ Would they hate us?
Yes! They are not your people; we don’t need more hate. This is their projection of their fears and lessons onto you. Look at your self-love, boundaries, and letting them go.
No! Why would someone that loves you hate you for being your truest brightest version of self!?
✧ Would they be disappointed with us?
Yes! Maybe we need to look at our people pleasing tendencies and not make choices based on others preferences?
No! They will be happy and excited for us, when they see how lit up we are being our biggest Self
✧ Would they laugh at us?
Yes! Let’s honour this fear and realize this is just someone else’s coping mechanism for our biggness. Others fear that which you are mirroring back to them. If they are uncomfortable in their own skin, and you are not, it will project from them as “your problem”.
Who cares! When you are comfortable with your authentic self, others opinions and people pleasing no longer matters. You are doing what you do to be your best version of self, and in doing so you are shining your light and allowing others to lift up and be their best version of self.
There is definite importance in living your own life, living your best life. We have been so conditioned to believe that if we are living for our best version of self and our own happiness that we are selfish. But there is a fine line between for the good of one and the good of all. Self-serving can of course be seen as detrimental – hogging your resources, stepping on others to get ahead, abusing others and making them feel less than. On the flip side of that you have the positive polarity of self-care and oneness. You chose to better yourself, connect with that most authentic self; not to throw it in others faces or to use it against them, but to guide and bring light to truth and authenticity. Think of how you feel when you are around someone that is down in the dumps, emotional or having a bad day? Does that allow you space to be your best self? Do you feel good around that person? Or do you pick up on and feed off that bad mood? Now think about being around someone that is happy, bright, having a wonderful day, positive and encouraging. Ok, your first reaction might be a bit of disgust – but check your projections, take a breath, and then think about how that feels? That person is expansive to be around, they let you feel light, happy, encouraged. Safe to be you. You want to be around and with that person.
When you are living in fear of your best self you do not allow that bright and shining Inner Being to come through. You cannot truly love and support those around you from a heart centred space. If you are depleted and people pleasing you are probably “helping others” from a bitter, resentful space. I know this seems like a drastic difference but take a moment to think about it. When a loved one needs help, are you in a place where you can say: “yes, I would love to help you” or “no, I don’t’ have the energy right now” and feel calm and settled in your response. Or “ya sure I’ll be there” and start mentally checking off all the other things you should be doing, if they will ever help you in return, how you would much rather go home and “relax”, etc.
All this is a long-winded way of saying that shedding the fear of being your most authentic self allows for more space, energy and a greater ability to love. Living within that fear is a constant depletion of your resources because you are always going against your Inner Being, none or very few of your decisions are in support of your highest good. Slowly, very slowly, this eats away at your Inner Being, your human being, and all those around you.