The Truth of Being You
Let’s be honest. It’s not always easy to be you. Let’s be even more honest, it’s even more difficult to be you when you are trying to be your own best version of you.
Starting on this path I would have thought it would be easy to be the best version of myself. I mean who wouldn’t want that? To be happy, to be fulfilled. Little did I know how hard that would actually be. To truly be the best version of myself, a free and sovereign being, is much more difficult than I ever imagined.
Why is that you ask?
Because being this best version of self involves a level of self-trust and self-belief that we are programmed and conditioned to not possess. From the outside looking in it looks chaotic and scary to others. You aren’t following the crowds; you aren’t following the beliefs of others. This is where you choose to look outside the standard medical system for answers, outside the 9-5 mindset for stability, outside the ‘work hard, play hard’ attitude for fulfillment. Most cannot understand living outside these conditioned norms. Most cannot understand surviving or even thriving outside these “safe” mindsets. When you start to live beyond these places you scare others. In the beginning this creates a lot of self-doubt, self-sabotage. Your ego wants to keep you in check, wants to keep you in line with others, wants to keep you people pleasing; all the while under the guise of “making you happy”. At some point you realize the only way to “make you happy” is to actually make YOU happy. You as in your complete being – mind, body, spirit / soul / consciousness / whatever you want to call it. When you start focusing on bettering your whole being you stop focusing on the external, you stop focusing on what others say should make you happy. I must tell you though, this is the most difficult conditioning to move beyond. The need to people please in some is so deep and so fully programmed that you cannot function in any activity without a small little voice in the background saying, “what will others think”? When you worry about what other think you are never truly living for yourself, or for your betterment.
Now at the beginning this may sound like a selfish mindset. To focus on your own happiness and give up people pleasing or worrying what others might think. But upon deeper thought, is it really? If we all just focused on being our best versions of self, for ourselves… wouldn’t that just make us all better? So then, why do you focus so much on looking better, acting better, being better for others? If this is your mindset you are always striving for something that does not exist. If you are always trying to be better for others, then what is your goal? How do you know when you are “there”? There are so many different people with so many different opinions, so who’s expectations are you trying to meet? All these people you are trying to please are going to have different expectations of what your better is. Whereas, if you just focus on being the best version of self for you, then you are the only one to please. I know that may sound like a radical thought process, but this is what I am working through in my own head. It is exhausting and overwhelming. As a mirror for each other, when you start living for yourself and your own being you may tick a lot of people off, for multiple reasons: it can be a trigger, you are no longer placating to them, your light is too bright. But none of these are bad things. When you are living for your greatest evolvement, you are showing others how to, and that it is safe to do the same. At the start this may just seem triggering, and you may get negative reactions. But at some point, those that love you cannot deny your light, your fulfilment, your happiness. This mirroring is one of the greatest traits of human beings. If we are in a safe and healthy environment or relationship it truly lets us bring to the surface conditioning that we can choose to heal. It shows us our greatest triggers and “weaknesses”. Our safest relationships allow for our greatest evolution.
I invite you to spend a week journaling at the end of every day (or throughout the day) on things that have triggered you (caused an emotional response). Then go back and review these to see if you can find a common thread in the deeper emotions of these thoughts and feelings.
Some examples of what this may look like:
Were you pissed at your sibling because they said no to something, and you were guilted into doing it? Maybe you just wish you had strong boundaries too.
Were you aggravated when you saw that person traveling or out for a spa day? Maybe you just wish you prioritized your selfcare / free time more.
Were you annoyed that your co-worker took a full hour long lunch, how dare they you are so busy? Maybe you need to prioritize your breaks during the day? Is the world really going to end if you have lunch? Will that really change the deadlines?
Look at these responses to see if this is something that your Inner Being is telling you that you deeply desire, or if this is some conditioning you need to heal, or maybe this has absolutely nothing to do with you and is leading you toward other feelings. When you gain an awareness to your triggers and responses you can focus more on your own fulfillment. What your own Inner Being requires to feel like the best version of self. Maybe it’s not a day at the spa, but just a 20 minute walk at lunch, or a coffee break with a friend.
Get to know you again. If we all just focused on being the best versions of self, we could release the comparison and expectation and live a little lighter.