Boundaries & Projections
Hello again my darlings. Last time we talked about cord cutting and how it can help you find Joy (if you missed it you can use the arrows at the bottom of this page), today I would like to talk about another option you have as sometimes cord cutting seems a little drastic and harsh.
Boundaries
You guessed it, these boundaries are “energetic”. It doesn’t mean you are putting up a literal wall between you and another person, but an “imaginary” energetic wall if you will. You are creating a healthy line surrounding your own energy and you are saying that no other energy that does not serve you is allowed beyond that boundary.
Why would I want a boundary?
Let’s quickly go back to the cord cutting. Sometimes you cannot (or do not) want to “sever ties” with another being. Whether that is because they are close to you (parents, siblings, lover, soul fam, etc) or you do not feel like your lessons or ties to them are complete. If you were to cut the cord and sever that tie, you may have incomplete work, or they may just reattach. Sometimes you just need a healthy boundary - I know that sounds easier than it is! Sometimes another person loves you SO MUCH that they cannot help but project their feelings and emotions onto you. While their intention may always be from a positive polarity, if you are tied together with these energetic cords, you will get the good and the bad. Instead of cutting them off when you may still have love to receive, you can create a boundary that does not let the energies that do not serve you come through.
Here you go with the projections again…
You are welcome to believe what you wish, however, in my personal experience I have learned to discern between my personal feelings, my projections onto others, and others projections onto me. Again, this can feel like thoughts and emotions that you do not recognize as your own. For example, before I started to set these boundaries I had some family that was constantly making me feel crappy about myself. Second guess my worth, second guess what kind of a person I was. Every interaction with them would leave me feeling drained, sad, questioning my own success and abilities. I didn’t even need to see them eventually to feel this way. October would roll around and I would start to panic about Christmas and being in the same space. I couldn’t pin point the moment for you, but at some point (probably when I started talking to other friends about it) I started to realize none of this was real. If you watch my trigger video on IGTV or YouTube you will have an idea of what I mean. I needed that laptop for school, everyone had one. I needed that car to commute across the city, and I worked hard in my first year of college to pay for it. I had friends that liked me. I had other family that liked me. Even the family of my friends liked me and wanted to hear all about what we were doing. It was probably then - once removed from my environment and that immediate cycle, that I was able to emotionally distance myself. I was able to reflect that I was a good person, I had friends that felt so, and other family that really enjoyed my company and hearing about me bettering myself. People who were impressed that I had a job and worked so hard, and had my own vehicle. And most importantly, other people who’s families had the same issues. I was slowly able to see that these “problems” with me were not my own. Those family members that, for lack of a better term, attacked my personality were actually just projecting their own lack onto me. They were not happy with their lives, while I was making choices to better myself. Bit by agonizing bit, I was able to distance what was being projected on me from my actual being. I didn’t have any of this terminology at the time, but going into any of these situations I started to tell myself, it doesn’t matter what “X” says, they aren’t happy with their own life. That was the beginning of my work with boundaries.
How do you know when you are projecting onto others?
This one is super easy, but also the most difficult 🤣 This is the one you do not want to see and acknowledge. It is widely known and shared through spiritual text, probably most mental health studies as well, that others are just a mirror for yourself. The thing that bothers me most, or that I dislike most in another is actually a red flag for me that I need to do some work. It is holding a mirror up to me to say, “hey, you have some work to do here, you actually do not like that within you”. And I know that to be true. I can look back and see that in friendships growing up, realizing I didn’t like the attitude friend “Y” had. But upon reflection, realizing I was doing, acting, treating people, that same way. How can you tell when its a projection then? Well, first you have to accept that you are not perfect - sorry. You are here in this human experience to learn and grow. You have to be willing to see your weaknesses, your areas of growth. You will always know, because another will do something and it will trigger a negative reaction in you. For example, do you judge a friend because they never call or text you anymore? Never visit you? Think about it… is this a justified thought? Journal on it! Did it start because you were actually not making the effort? Are you actually upset because you feel like a bad friend? Do you think “they don’t like me, they never want to spend time with me!” Are you always cancelling? Do you ever reach out or make the effort to talk or hang out? Upon that reflection do you find that this is actually your “issue” and not theirs. Once you move beyond your ego in the situation and reach out, do they say “I stopped because it seemed like you weren’t interested”. It was all a misunderstanding and story in your head. Where else do you do this?
Back to boundaries, and how to set them.
Let’s get comfortable! If you would like, I invite you to grab your journal first (or you can do voice memos, a word doc, whatever resonates with you). Start with a list of people that you feel connected to, good or bad emotions. They can be people you know personally, or not. Once you have that list complete, go through it again and pick the person that triggers you the most; gives you the biggest emotional reaction.
Now sit and breathe. Relaxed and comfortable. Picture them near you, start to feel their energy. Notice how it feels to you. then start to notice how you feel about them being in your energy. Ask yourself, am I done with this energetic connection? If the answer is yes, then you can cut the cord (check out the last journal entry). If the answer is no, you can set a boundary. Start to picture a bubble around you; you can give it a colour, sparkle, smell, whatever resonates with you. And start to picture that bubble fully envelop you. Then let it grow and expand. Let it be as big as you need, until you feel that your own personal energy is clear and you are comfortable letting that beings energy through. The size of this boundary may vary by person. Maybe your friends can be a little closer because they are mostly sending you love and support. Maybe a parent or sibling needs more distance because they project both their love and expectations on you. Play around with it, and see what happens.
When you are done, if you feel like you need to close this practice, you can listen to our quick meditation here.
Otherwise, that is all I have for you today. I know that was probably a lot. Feel free to take this in bits, let it digest and come back.
Always feel free to send us any questions.
May you be happy, healthy and free 🤍